“Forgive me for liking you too much, I’ll forgive you for not liking me enough. Forgive me for the loud racing of my heart, I’ll forgive you for not hearing it. Forgive me for finding you amazing, I’ll forgive you for never noticing. Forgive me for wanting to be with you more than anything, I’ll forgive you for avoiding me. Forgive me for being so pathetic, I’ll forgive you for taking advantage of it. Forgive me for not being able to let go, I’ll forgive you for never holding on.”—
There are times in my life I became afraid to love. Because all those times I fell in love, i got hurt. I thought maybe that’s why it’s called “falling” in love.
I didn’t care about taking risk, I would give my all, love deeply and there are times that i get really obsessed with the person I love. It would be a truly emotional, extremely euphoric experience. I would even dream about him all day and all night, imagining the good times together, thinking of what I can do or give him to show how much I cared. I would feel light as a feather, energized and excited, literally blooming with the joy I felt inside. Then somehow something would go wrong and my whole world would crash. Disappointment. Resentment. Anger. Pain.
I asked myself, why? Can we not love without pain? Is disappointment really a price to pay all the happiness we feel when we’re in love? Why do people hurts us despite giving them all the love, but loving them still? Should we blindly accept that because we love we get hurt?
It was only after many years of soul-searching and reading inspiring writings from people who have more experience about love I discovered that I can love without getting hurt. I finally understood that unconditional love was the answer.
Love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It is the fire that burns inside, the essence of being. Love is the source of all our comfort and contentment. It is a precious gift that defines our purpose in life. If we keep in mind that we can indeed preserve its true meaning, we can love to the fullest and be happy the rest of our lives.
5 things i’ve learned so far in this journey of life:
1. Accept that people express love in different ways.
How do YOU express your love? You say “I love you” three times a day, you kiss and embrace him every chance you get, you never forget your anniversaries, and you always send him a text message just to show him that you think of him. How does HE express his love? He rarely says “I love you”, he seldom kisses you, he forgets your birthday, and he doesn’t even try to reply on your messages. But he works overtime, takes you to the movies, he loves to surprise you, says “I love you” when you don’t expect him to say it then you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and he calls you “Honey” “Baby” “Mahal ko”. Isn’t that sweet? He probably loves you as much as you love him, he just shows it differently. If you can accept that difference then you can have a healthier perspective of your relationship.
2. Derive happiness from giving love.
When you love, do it because you want to. There is indescribable joy in loving. Just give it. And cherish the satisfaction in having given someone something of yourself. It’s like giving a gift. Whether it is appreciated or not, find joy in simply giving.
3. Love without expecting anything in return.
Now this is where pain comes in: when you demand something in return for the love you give. You are actually setting yourself up for disappointment because love cannot always be reciprocal. Love between two people can never be of the same intensity at the same time and place. No matter how much you partner loves you, he will never be able to fill all your needs all the time. And you are worst off if you believe you should love only when you are sure to receive equal love in return. Sad to say, you will be waiting in misery forever. Love is not selfish.
4. Love now.
The past is gone and the future is just a dream, they say. Yes its true, all of yesterday’s aches and pains, even the joys and laughter, are mere memories. Let them go. And your fantasies and worries? They may never come. So why dwell on them? Live now. Give love now. Do it now and enjoy the moment. That is the secret of inner contentment.
5. Throw away those destructive habits.
When you insist upon yourself that you always have to be in control, that you always have to be right, that others must always please you, you mold unreasonable expectations of yourself and the ones you love. Loving relationships are flexible, dynamic, and evolving. Give room for change and interaction. Allow for new behavior and learning experiences. When we welcome these into our lives, we open ourselves up to love and affection rather than anger and frustration.
Think positive. Everything happens for a reason. If some things won’t work out, don’t forget you can ask God’s help. Like, hello? God is the most powerful of all, remember? Like God’s unconditional love for us, who are we not to give it to others?
Yes, you will say that unconditional love is easier said than done. Especially when we have always believed that love is give and take. Try believing that love is simply giving. They say “Give until it hurts”. Let’s say “Love until it hurts no more”.
A - Available: To always be happy B - Best Friend: Manilyn, Honeylyn, Ann and Karen D - Dad’s Name: Arnaldo E - Easiest Person To Talk To: Them. (letter B) F - Favorite Food: Pasta, Ice Cream, Chocolates G - Gummy Bears Or Worms: Worms :) H - Hometown: Padre Burgos, So. Leyte I - Instrument: Guitar J - Job: Jobless. haha :D K - Kids: None, but soon! =P L - Longest Car Ride: So. Leyte - Manila (whoa! O.o) M - Milk Flavor: Milk-chocolate O - One Wish: To be loved P - Phobias: Dark, creepy places, harmful people Q - Favorite Quote: Unconditional love is the answer. R - Reason To Smile: A lot S - Song You Last Heard: Soulmate - Natasha Bedingfield T - Time You Woke Up: 9:50AM U - Unknown Fact About Me: Im weak when it comes to love. :( V - Vegetable: Squash W - Worst Habits: Modelling when no ones watching =P X - X-Rays You’ve Had: Doesn’t matter, ryt? hmm. Y - Your Favorite Pastime: Friends, surfing and singing Z - Zodiac Sign: Taurus
What’s the point of waiting? What’s the sense of loving? What’s the importance of one’s life? What’s the truth about all this feelings i hide? Does every question have an answer? Does every truth really come out? When is this so called “right time”? Will everyone gets a chance to have it? Is it true that everything has its purpose? What am i doing in this world? If the world doesn’t even recognize i exist? What’s my purpose of being here? Why can’t i find the answer? Where is it? What is it? Or should it be WHO is it?
I’ve been trying to survive in this world. At first, i was happy as a kid. Like there’s nothing i should be worried about. All i need to do is to be a good student at school, a good sister to my only brother, a good granddaughter to my grandparents, good daughter to my mom and dad, and to be a good friend to everybody whether they treat me nice or not. All i did was good things to people i’ve met.
Til then i grew up. I’ve learned to love. I started to become as worried, as nervous, as scared as ever. But despite all that, i was happy. Twas just for a moment of happiness. It has its painful ending yet memorable. Til then i started to earn my own money. To get what i want. To be happy seeing my family happy for me. To get to know a lot more friends around me. Good, kind, snob, irate, smart, beautiful person in all kind. Twas fun, even when i used to go home alone. I was used to it. Got the life i want. But it came a point that i keep on seeking for the things i don’t have. Which was the special kind of love. Got five of them, boys. They’re all this type of guy who you want to keep forever. Just that all of a sudden they don’t want to be with you, they’re not ready. I realized i don’t really love them, i realized they’re not the one for me, i realized is there really someone out there for me? Twas hard, living your life alone. I mean no boyfriend.
Him. This boyfriend i have right now. I don’t know what’s happening to us or to him. Got a chance to meet him up once but it never happened again. Never heared anything until now. Should i really have to wait? What will happen next? Again, scared i am, closed eyes, felt tears are starting to drop off my eyes. Yes, imma cry this hell out. Cry til it hurts. Love til it hurts no more. I feel like dying. Im useless. Like nothing and no one wants to love me. Maybe im just not loveable. :|